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In the Depths of My Soul I Know We Will Survive

Filed under: General — 19day @ 00:03:17

I dunno why, but this song pops into my head from time to time. It’s the theme for a short-lived animated show called Cybersix. I’m not even entirely sure what it’s about, except that the heroine disguises herself as a man. Anyway, the theme:

There’s a time when the moon reveals its face through the clouds.
I let out a sigh and want to cry out loud.

But deep in my heart I feel love so alive.
In the depths of my soul I know we will survive.
I’m the one they would break in their greed and their pride.

But deep in my heart I feel love so alive.
In the depths of my soul I know we will survive. Cybersix.

And here is the theme itself:


Recreational Impossibilities

Filed under: General — 19day @ 16:48:42

I’ve actually been up to a reasonable amount of stuff recently, and more to come.

Last wednesday, I went to a Raptor’s game. Yes, I’m as surprised as anyone. Friend Brett asked me to go when tickets awared to a coworker trickled down since apparently no one likes basketball except him. And in desperation he asked me if I wanted to go. I assume desperation since anyone who knows me probably knows how much I enjoy spectating sports, heh, but I decided to go, since it was something I had never done before. It was enjoyable enough, though I didn’t know anything about the teams or the players, or even, to my horror, the length of the game. See, I always thought they played in some sort of quarters but they were called periods or something, and assumed that it all added up to an hour. But no, of the four periods, they are each 12 minutes. So something I would normally joke about (like wondering where the puck is at a football game, or shout out ‘he made another score-point’) suddenly bit me. Oh well. Unfortunately, the Raptors lost, but I was amused at the Raptors mascot attempt to get the audience to clap in response to his drum. One attempt was so pathetic he threw the drum to the ground and walked off. I also found myself getting into the game, shouting when the Raptors defence screwed up once more.

The next day I went to a company event at Spacco’s, a bar/billiard place we’ve been to before (both with friends and company functions). I only stayed for an hour, I really don’t know that many people at work, at least, well enough to stand around and talk to about things other than work, and all that makes migling an excersize of futility and trying to make it look like my fidgitting hands are normal, yeah.

On Sunday, I went to ‘The Beaches’ with Alicia. She warned me that it wasn’t all that great there, but it seemed fine to me. One thing was at a cafe patio a guy came up, said excuse me, and held up a flash card explaining the dire straights he was in and could we give him money. That was a new one for me. Oh, sure, big signs to get attention like “need money”, but not flash cards. But he was on the patio, thus interfering with customers, so I declined giving him anything. Alicia did, so I probably look like some sort of cheap monster or something. He probably targetted us since he thought I’d give money to him to look generous in front of her, heh. Now, on the street, I’ve done it, many times, if I actually have the change (I tend to rely on debit card). But I didn’t want to encourage him to basically walk into a business (patio is part of the cafe dammit) and successfully beg. Probably sounds terrible. Fine.

Anyway, then we went walking along the beach for a while, sat down on large rocks and talked for a while. The weather was nice, though the sun seemed a little feabler than I would have expected. Not a cloud in the sky, but it was getting colder and colder. We went for dinner a while later, adn then for ice-cream, and I managed to have it melt all over my shirt and pants, I’m some kind of classy guy. I walked her home, and by that I mean we went all the way from the beaches to her place which is far north (on the TTC of course), then I took a bus west a little then the subway all the way back to Yonge and Eglinton. She had originally described her route as seedy and wanted to leave before dark, but it was well dark before we left. I always feel more comfortable walking her home, the protection-instint runs high. While I was there I saw some pictures of her recent trip to Japan, and got a cute little porcelain cat that works like a bell she got me as a souvenir. All and all a nice day, one of the best ones in recent, or even moderately distant memory, heh.

And upcoming, friday I’m leaving with her and others for a trip to Montreal, woot vacation (short though it may be)

If I don’t come back, avenge my death.


Massacres and other Post-Secondary Education

Filed under: General — 19day @ 22:41:34

It probably hasn’t escaped many people that something unfortunate occured at Virginia Tech, Cho Seung-Hui, killed 32 people, and then himself, and left a rambling legacy. His manifesto is a little odd, I would have expected something a little more obvious like the difficulties of love and life, but he goes on about revenge against vague ideas, rich people, but no specifics. Which is a pity, since perhaps some sort of coherent motive would have helped. But probably not.

The thing that strikes me whenever something like this happens, is the sheer futility of life. You can grow up, work hard, get educated, find love (obviously talking about someone other than me, thanks), get married, have a child, and the child grows up, and then some asshole comes along and kills them. Or your child before they grew up, or your love, or you, or you as a kid, or whatever. No matter what you do, there is nothing, nothing at all, that will stop some crazy guy, or even a merely determined sane guy, from wiping out anything and everything you cared about. And ultimately, with that kind of lack of guarantee, it does seem to be a pointless endevour… but people go with it anyway, since it seems to be worth trying, and just hope it’s some other person, or kid, or spouse, that gets killed by the next crazy guy, because there will always be another one.

And people always want to make sense of things like this, and so do I frankly… I mean, I can understand some guy killing his girlfriend for dumping him, a reprehensible act of course, but you can understand why… I can understand why a husband or wife would kill their kids and then themself, as punishment to the other and/or to spare the children having to be with the other. Horrible, but you can see how the hamsters ran in the wheel… but the ones where some guy (or guys, and of course, this is a guy thing, rarely do women engage in this crap) goes and kills a bunch of other people.. “I’m taking them with me”, and then the suicide… it’s hard to understand…

But, given the description of this latest mass-murderer, I think I do… mind you, that’s a lot of screwed up hamsters in that wheel. But I was actually informally ‘voted’ most likely amongst my ‘friends’ in highschool to go on a killing rampage. Oh, they laughed then, but that was still before Columbine, you know, when it was a school, and not a landmark in history. See, when you’re taunted and made fun of consistently, for years, well, you tend to take a grim outlook on people, and eventually, everyone is a potential enemy. Hell, to this day (or rather, in the days I was in university) I would avoid going down hallways with groups of people who looked mob-like (where they all knew each other) since I was wary of being insulted/assaulted as I passed. Old quirks die hard. So you stop talking to people, at all, go cold, go quiet, you just want to be left alone. Anyone who doesn’t immediately hate you will ignore you since you’re so damned cold and unfriendly, and those that do hate you (for whatever reason, mine was for being fat, hurrah) will continue to hurt you any way they can because, why the hell not? So then you’re entire interaction with people is defined by those bad ones. You just hate everyone… everyone is the enemy… the only reason that person (pointing randomly at someone never before seen) hasn’t hurt me is because they haven’t been given the opportunity yet, but mark my words, give them a second, and they’ll just spit on me. (interesting side note, I’ve actually been maliciously spit on by someone, how many people can say that?) When everyone is your enemy, the day you snap, everyone is your potential victim.

I’m not trying to justify or derive sympathy for what the guy did, in the end, it all comes down to your own decisions, of course, but perhaps his thought processes went something like that. Now I wonder what the fallout will be… irrational fear of Asians, stupid new rules (no making the gun gesture with your hand)…

What I wonder about is all the other people who were like him, and like me, in school. The quiet ones, the loners seeking their own seclusion, writing violent stories (I wrote a couple crazy things I won’t repost under advice from an attorney)… I guess it will be like it was after Columbine, where any kid wearing a trenchcoat was threat-in-waiting.

So to all you loners out there, smile once in a while, get out of the dark stink of the comfy lounge and write a poem about happy daisies on a hill or something, or else you’ll wind up in Guantanamo Bay.

UPDATE: I’d like to make it clear that the rambly bit above was meant to be humourous, speaking in that stream-of-consciousness paranoid way. I’ve been told that people might think something else. So I’d like to mark this entry with a giant flashing SATIRE sign flashing over it.

See the following video for explanation (skip to about 4 minutes in for the part I’m referencing):


He’s the Angriest Gamer You’ve Ever Heard…

Filed under: General — 19day @ 21:45:58

He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd…

(screw it, I know it’s Angry Videogame Nerd now, but I don’t like the rhythm of that)

If you don’t know where this reference comes from, I think it’s time you begun… he’s a guy that reviews old games (mostly Nintendo but he’s branching out, I really hope he gets to ET on atari) and comments on how horrible they are. Not because they are old, but because they sucked.

Warning though, it’s really quite profane at times, but man, it’s funny. Not the profanity, kind of goes over the top on that front, but the rest of it.

Like, I’d say my favorite part is his review of Friday the 13th, the fail-gameover screen says “You and your friends are dead, game over”. He’s amazed at how it comes out with it, … no one dies in video games, but there it is… his suggestion for a sequel. “You’re dead, your friends are dead, your family’s dead, your fucking pets are being skinned alive, your mom’s a fucking whore, you suck at life, the whole world hates you, you’re going to hell, live with it. Game over” Priceless

Here is a review of Ghostbusters, which is probably one of the overall funnier ones. The ending always makes me laugh…

And here is the link to his site where you can see the others. I suggest you do.


Damn Flash

Filed under: General — 19day @ 14:01:18

I never used to play stupid flash games, never. If I played a game, it was a full on proper game dammit. Sure, I played a few things in the past for like 20 seconds. Or occasionally joined a friend in some yahoo game (technically java, but same difference for my purposes). But as a single endevour, I never played the things.

But recently I’ve been tapping the relatively large resource of Digg’s playable web game category, and playing all sorts of interesting games that have totally destroyed my productivity whereever I may go.

So here are some of them so you too may suffer:

Gateway 2 – a spooky puzzle game

DiceWars – risk with dice, never before have I been so angry

Motherload – a game of ore excavation and, confusingly, battles with Satan

Winterbells – winter and bunnies and bells, very cute

Bugs – from the maker of the previous game, this one is a charming bug scaring game

Quest for the Rest – very short but interesting looking and sounding proof of concept puzzle game

Gridlock – a familiar puzzle game I’ve suddenly become decent at, level 35 is where I got stuck

Anyway, that’s just a few. I’ll see you in hell dicewars.

EDIT: Flow, how could I forget flow, it’s a really nice one.
flOw – a game of eating and evolution, no instructions as it’s meant to be intuitive, but eat red thingy to go down a level, blue to go up, and basically eat everything else. This is kind of what I wanted Zygote to look like when I originally conceived it as a 2D game, the style is minimalistic and perfect in a cellular biology kind of way.

EDIT2: 3D Logic Cube – view 3 sides of a cube and connect the colours, interesting

EDIT3: All Hallow’s Eve – one of the more fun survive-the-zombies flash games I’ve encountered, add house defenses, buy new weapons (from who?, oh well), and kill the advancing armies of zombies crying for brains. Easy is far too boring, try normal difficulty, and hard for any thing resembling a challenge.

EDIT4: Sprout – A coconut dreaming of being an oak tree, acquiring new forms to passively move across the countryside. An entirely too short puzzle game that has a lot of potential.


The more things stay the same, the more things change

Filed under: General — 19day @ 08:22:10

Woke up late today, got home late last night from a date. Yeah, a date, not the consumable, but the activity. I wasn’t sure if I should write this entry, since it’s a bit voyeuristic, plus she’d probably be annoyed, but for the moment she doesn’t know about this site or the blog, so hopefully she’ll be receptive once we’ve solidified our relationships.

I met her at work, her name is Kristen, but she prefers Kris for some reason. I dunno, it’s only down to one syllable from two, so it’s not like it’s saving any time. Anyway, that’s her real name anyway, as she’s chinese so that’s just her english name. Yeah, me and the chinese (or generally oriental), I guess my genes are seeking out a little hybrid vigour. She a developer for another group at my company, so I never actually see her day to day, but we met at last month’s company cake-day. I’d like to say I wooed her as a complete stranger, but a couple of coworkers who dragged me down there (I don’t like going for the cake… look at the fat man eat cake, wooo) knew her and so we grouped together. I guess I got her attention, or maybe one of my co-workers who knew of my single-status helped goose things along, but we chatted a lot longer than I think the company intended for the cake-break.

Anyway, I somehow got enough confidence to ask her out. Oh, of course, it wasn’t phrased like that, just if she felt like doing something, and she actually agreed. I won’t go into the details of the actual events, since I embarrassed myself a few times, and I’d like to hold back a bit. Also, despite my acceptance of modern day feminism, I felt kind of weird being driven around. I need to get myself a car. When she dropped me off at 3am last night, we kissed. I was nervous about the possibility of that, because I’ve been told in the past I was a terrible kisser (when I was taken unawares one new year), if even I should consider it a kiss, that was more of a peck. This was a kiss, we said our goodbyes and she left.

I guess over the coming week I’ll try to set up another one. I just have to keep things slow and not say anything stupid this time. I have to keep my feelings from the past from surfacing with her, as that’s, apparently, driven people away in the past. I’m still in shock really… and the worst part of this entire post is that it’s completely made up, there is a date here, check it, and be fooled, april fooled that is. If anyone is interested in why I picked the name Kristen, it’s because a) it’s not someone who could read this and think I was secretly pining for them, and b) it’s the name of a girl I had a crush on in middle school, so why not. I decided not to use the bad luck of a girl who’s name ends in ‘a’.

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